Cool Party

Northwestern is definitely going to the Alamo Bowl against the Missouri Tigers. Expect full bowl previews and expert analysis as the game gets closer.

POUND YOUR SKATES ON THE TABLE, NIKITA

The Blackhawks are resurgent thanks to the NHL not folding, the Versus network, and the apparently timely death of Scrooge-like owner William Wadsworth "Bill" Wirtz, who passed away after his unsuccessful attempt to tank enough to move the team to Miami for 41 consecutive years. The failings of Wirtz and the Blackhawks' dramatic turnaround under his vastly more competent son Rocky, who has been shrewd enough to implement such radical plans as televising home games and not alienating beloved former players, a brilliant maverick business strategy honed by vaguely paying attention to professional sports in the last several decades, has been chronicled by people who are no doubt more familiar with the story and capable of understanding ice hockey.

Admittedly, most of my knowledge about hockey comes from Nintendo Ice Hockey, which was less about ice hockey and more about enacting cold war tensions to prevent an iron curtain from descending upon the rink.


WE WILL BURY YOU! YOUR GRANDCHILDREN WILL
LIVE UNDER OVECHKIN

The toughest team by far was Czechoslovakia, who came out in a well-nigh unbeatable three fat man juggernaut in a move that can be best described as the complete opposite of the Velvet Revolution.


Vaclav Havel disapproves of the three fat guy and one
medium guy formation, originally engineered by a by
an executive Brezhnev order. Here, Brezhnev is seen
wearing a hat made from the eyebrows of a lesser Brezhnev.

In order to get fans to commit to the Indian for the 2008-9 season, the Blackhawks apparently play this video before games.


I highly suggest watching it in high quality on full screen mode, so you can see the full effect of Blackhawk players swooping through a frozen Chicago and using their hockey skills to fend off the advances of a cadre of evil hockey players. My guess is that at least one of the Shadow Hockey Clan of the Loosened Tooth was trained as a Czechoslovak fat guy in the ancient arts of junior high school vandalism. The video is also notable for inevitably lapsing into the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song, a fate that is apparently irrisistible for Chicago sports franchises.

The concept of evildoers leaving a trail of terror through a frozen cityscape makes me think that they ought to replace the intro video with what may very well be the greatest video on the entire Internet.