Thursday, December 28, 2023

Northwestern Punts to Victory in Las Vegas Bowl

ESPN's mandate to put something, anything on television in December led to this: a Saturday night matchup between a Northwestern team that disappeared from public consciousness after Pat Fitzgerald was fired for hazing scandal that included references to the motion picture "Shrek" and the rump remains of a Utah with many of its best players refusing to play because they are transferring or trying not to get injured before the NFL draft that resulted in zero points scored until the end of the second quarter.  And yet, there was nothing but jubilation from Northwestern players throwing the gatorade on David Braun at the end of the game as the program reached its eighth win, ending the strangest football season I can remember that did not involve empty stadiums and coaches wearing tactical respiratory masks over their eyeballs.

 

I will never run a picture of David Braun with his mouth closed

Anyone who has paddled in the sewers of the Big Ten West this season can appreciate the Las Vegas Bowl where the game was tense and close because neither team could manage to get near the end zone.  Last time these teams played in the 2018 Holiday Bowl, Northwestern managed a stunning second-half comeback because the Utes turned the ball over six times in a rainstorm; this year, they managed to halve their turnovers, but in a game that featured thirteen punts and offensive playbooks from the Sisyphus coaching tree, they seemed more impactful.  I do not know what bowl sponsor SRS Distribution does, but if their model involves distributing anything via punt, they may have made the one of the greatest marketing investments in bowl history.

This game was also marred by injury and violence.  Both quarterbacks were evaluated for concussions only to return; the broadcast repeatedly compared a hit that Ben Bryant took to the infamous hit that sidelined Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa while the cameras lingered on his distraught family; under those conditions it seemed pretty strange that he returned to lead the game-winning drive.  We also saw a Northwestern defender rip off an opponent's helmet and attempt to bludgeon him with it during a post-whistle tussle, which is an innovation in the tussle space (Northwestern was flagged for a facemask penalty).

Every single broadcast this year tiptoed around the hazing scandal and subsequent lawsuits and tended to focus on David Braun and the Wildcats overcoming adversity but trying very hard not to explain what that meant, especially once the team started winning games.  Sean McDonough, the play-by-play man for the Las Vegas Bowl, instead decided to turn the end of the game into a bizarre podcast about Pat Fitzgerald.  McDonough, laundering his point of view from a Northwestern assistant, dismissed the hazing allegations as bullshit and talked about what a fine job Fitzgerald had done and how Northwestern would have won eight games this year with him at the helm.  He even mentioned that he reached out to Fitzgerald who declined to comment on his dismissal because he is currently suing the university for $130 million.  This was also going on in the middle of a football game, with plays and everything.  Apparently he did not talk to any of the former players who are suing the university or ABC has a mandate against using the phrase "shrek-themed humping ritual" while a team is lining up in punt formation.

McDonough also broke news that Mike Bajakian told him he was departing the program and that Braun could replace as many as five coaches.  One of them, according to McDonough, would be former linebacker Tim McGarigle as defensive coordinator.  No one from Northwestern has corroborated any of this yet, but significant staff turnover in the wake of the scandal and coaching change makes sense.  If McDonough is right, then Northwestern fans can enjoy a soothing winter of coaching rumors and moderate flight tracking.


Rumored new defensive coordinator Tim McGarigle pictured above wielding a chainsaw

I don't think even the most deranged corners of the Northwestern sports internet (including this blog, which is I think the final step before the existence of some sort of Northwestern athletics dark web) could have imagined seeing the Wildcats finish the season with eight wins and a bowl victory over Utah.  I thought the season would be over after getting thumped by Illinois, with most of the team in the transfer portal, Northwestern undergoing a brutal and dispiriting search through the dregs of head coach candidates, and the symbolic destruction of Ryan Field.  All we would have to look forward to is another offseason of grotesque lawsuit revelations. 

Instead, Northwestern managed to win some games and found an exciting, young head coach who excelled in impossible circumstances.  Will that be enough as the team is forced to wander around the Chicagoland area in search of a home field for the next two seasons or to remain competitive without the comfort of existence in the Big Ten West?  Will any of that even matter as information from the lawsuits continues to pile up?  I have absolutely no idea.  I don't know what else to even say.

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